Little things

Bernice and I were loading our shopping bags into the car when she turned to me and said “Well, now I can see why Bienstock is ready to kill you.”

“Why?” I asked. “Wanna bake cookies later?”

“‘You told about five strangers that you’re going to China with -” she paused- “your boyfriend.“

“Boyfriend,” I repeated, smiling.”I just got new underwear to take on a trip with my boyfriend.”

I have been single a long time. And while I am in NO position to dish dating advice, I will just say this: David is nothing like any guy I have ever gone out with. He listens to classical music and cooks and when we hiked to the top of Bear Mountain he wore long underwear and climbing shorts. Everyone else was in jeans. He doesn’t care that I talk to Bernice 10x a day. And when we do stuff in the kitchen, I never have to ask him to help with the clean up. He just does.

I waited hand and foot on the Bad Canadian. I’d ladle the food onto his plate and do the dishes while he’d watch television with his hands tucked behind his head -feet kicked up coffee table. When he wanted to go to bed, we went to bed. In elevators he’d push ahead of me and he always took the booth at restaurants. I’d sit there in my chair noticing all the other girls were in the booth, and wonder if he noticed too.

The Bad Canadian and I once took a winter vacation. I wanted to go to Mexico. But he wanted snowboarding and so off we went to Colorado. The day we got there? It was his son’s birthday. And when they lost his bags, he kept saying, “this happened for a reason.”

Each day I went to ski school while the Bad Canadian went off on his own. He never helped me into my boots or skis. My friend Sara did.

******

After the Bad Canadian came clean about being married, Sara called me in the middle of night.

“I need to tell you something,” she said.

“Are you pregnant!?” I shot up in my bed.

“You fell in the middle of the road on the patch of ice,” she said. “And he didn’t even move to pick you up.”

It’s so sad, but I didn’t remember. I think a normal girl would remember if she fell and her boyfriend didn’t pick her up. She’d say something to him like, ‘you a-hole!’ But not me. I was used to it. I wanted to marry that. I didn’t think I deserved better.

During the last two months, there have been lots of moments I wanted to tell you about. But here is one: We were traveling all day in the rain and snow. And when we finally got back to his apartment building, there was a holiday party going full swing in the lobby. I was cranky. And hungry.

“Can we just go upstairs?” I asked. “My hair is frizzy. I’m not in the mood.”

“You look great,” he said,  leading me to the table with snacks.

And then he did he did this.

He dipped a chip in the guac and handed it to me.  And just like that-  all I felt was happy. Headache gone.

I know it sounds like the littlest thing, giving someone the first chip – but to me it was huge.

Finally I am starting to get it.

——

Please check out my friend Karen Porter Sorensen’s book: Love (luv) n. Karen is a love researcher and her work has really touched me. Here is a link to her blog on Huffington Post: Looking for Work, Finding Inspiration

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